Some contents or functionalities here are not available due to your cookie preferences!

This happens because the functionality/content marked as “Facebook Pixel [noscript]” uses cookies that you choosed to keep disabled. In order to view this content or use this functionality, please enable cookies: click here to open your cookie preferences.

People Pleasing – and other ways you reject your needs


People Pleasing – and other ways you reject your needs

26 July 2023

The people pleaser often has an idea of itself as a selfless giver, being there for other people. But if you scratch the surface you see it’s doing what it’s doing as a strategy to get what YOU need, in a rather manipulative way. When you grow awareness of the pleaser, it’s easy to start rejecting IT – which only keeps this structure in place.

To really shift this pattern you need to be willing to look deeper. Underneath the pleasing is a sense of unworthiness and that you need to do something for others to prove your value and get your needs met. It’s often created from NOT having your needs met growing up, and then rejecting this as “needy”, childish, and attention-seeking. Basically, you’ve passed your needs into the shadow, and instead, they play out sideways in patterns like this.

Instead of seeing the longing for appreciation, attention, and care as a necessary and healthy developmental stage (which would have taught you that your needs matter and how to care for them), the people pleaser directs attention onto other people’s needs, and your experience of being neglected stays.

So how can you meet your own needs and heal the people pleaser and other structures around unmet needs?

That’s exactly what I guide you into, in this week’s episode of the LOVE ALSO THIS series.

(Don’t worry if you haven’t listened to the other episodes in the series yet. You can start here and circle back to the others later.)

The fourth episode of this series uncovers how we have learned to reject our needs as “needy” – and the consequences of that. We look at the people pleaser and how you can heal the relationship with your needs. 

You find all episodes in this series, the workbook, and registration for the 2-day training here.

Listen to episode 105, People Pleasing and other ways you reject your needs, here:

In episode four of the LOVE ALSO THIS series, we look at the people pleaser and your relationship with your needs.

So that we can continue our experiment of loving the most rejected part of ourselves.

I cover:

👉 Expressions of the people pleaser and other ways to reject your needs

👉 The consequence of rejecting your needs: bitterness, resentment, “I’m invisible”, lack of joy, burnout

👉 How to break the catch 22 and start loving your needs

Subscribe to the Uncover YOU podcast

Related Stories

23 February 2022

Using affirmations to establish love-based beliefs

Building a new house while you take apart the old one is VERY helpful. Having something to move towards - what you want to feel and believe and experience - can be very grounding and calming for your nervous system as you’re uprooting your old house and making major changes to your inner world.

13 October 2021

What you experience on a Power Journey

Ever wondered what a spiritual power journey is? And what the heck you do on one?

09 February 2022

Understanding survival response – and how it takes over your inner-growth work

When we hear the term “survival state” it’s easy to associate it with life-threatening situations and trauma. But we’re in this state a lot more than we’re aware of...


On this website we use first or third-party tools that store small files (cookie) on your device. Cookies are normally used to allow the site to run properly (technical cookies), to generate navigation usage reports (statistics cookies) and to suitable advertise our services/products (profiling cookies). We can directly use technical cookies, but you have the right to choose whether or not to enable statistical and profiling cookies. Enabling these cookies, you help us to offer you a better experience. Cookie policy