Feel unable to change an old pattern that you discovered a while back? Or that you can’t get to a core belief? Or are you noticing yourself avoiding meeting some uncomfortable emotions that you know needs to come out? And like the responsibility to figure it all out is on you? In a sense, it’s true that no one else can do your inner work for you. But in a world where we fear to be vulnerable and receive support, it’s easy to let the lone wolf take over completely without even knowing the alternatives.
The consequence? Keeping yourself from making the progress you could be having. Because the truth is, you won’t be able to think your way out of your old mind program. The way is not to figure it out. You will most likely need guidance and support in dropping into the layers below your thinking mind to make the shifts at an unconscious level. Especially with the more sticky belief systems, or when you start to get to the root of things.
In this episode of the Uncover YOU podcast, I give you clues to if you’re slowing yourself down by going about it on your own and how to know when you would benefit from coaching.
Listen to episode 32 here:
Because of this pattern of trying to figure it out on our own way longer than necessary, and because many of you have reached out to me and asked about single coaching sessions, I’m doing something completely new during November:
I’m opening up 5 spots for Private Breakthrough Sessions. 2 hours of coaching with me where you can address a specific topic. A pattern you’ve been feeling stuck with, an underlying belief you can’t get to, or maybe a different state of consciousness you are longing to experience.
If you feel you’ve been staying in your “I should be able to figure this out”-belief for far too long and are ready to let go of struggle – come grab your spot. So that you can get clarity and shifts that will free up more of your personal power and give you a new experience of what’s possible in life.
Normally I only take 2-3 private coaching clients, with a minimum of 4-month commitment so this is a new thing I’m trying that I might not do again.
A summary of what I talk about in this episode:
Reasons to why we might live by the paradigm of doing things alone:
- Scared of opening up and being vulnerable because of a fear of failure and the hurt of being rejected or abandoned
- Built a protective strategy from previous pain that is based in managing, accomplishing and being self-sufficient
- A deep embedded nervous system response to receiving support as being not safe
- Beliefs around spending money on myself and inner work
The consequence of being stuck in this habit:
You are kept isolated and from moving forward.
How to recognize if it’s happening?
How can you tell if you have an unconscious pattern of avoiding help when you would actually benefit from it? Here’s a big clue:
=> When there’s no real choice to do something differently, meaning:
- Doing something else, like getting support from a friend, a coach or a therapist, doesn’t even show up as an option in your mind
- The reasons against getting help are based in fear and leave little room to negotiate, ie “It would be really irresponsible of you to invest in coaching right now” or “They will all see what a mess you really are and will laugh at you behind your back”
When we’re not free to consider options and possibilities without voices of fear coming in with opinions, that’s a dead give-away that something on a deeper level is pulling the strings
But what about being overly help-seeking, isn’t that a thing?
Yes, it can definitely be. What the pattern of constantly seeking new help, buying new programs and not getting the results you want, have in common with the pattern of figuring it out on your own, is that you’re not really in charge of the decision-making process.
A sub-personality, or character of your ego-mind, is in charge and you’re operating from its agreements. With both these patterns, it will be helpful to look at who’s in charge and what they believe.
Main reasons for hiring a coach when working on your inner world
What got you here won’t get you to where you’re longing for. To go beyond what you already know you need to step into the unknown. That is challenging to do from the thinking mind and it will resist it. Having someone guiding you to uncharted territory will make that process much faster and approachable.
Another way of saying it:
You are probably trying to solve a problem with the same components it was created with. You’re looking at the problem with the eyes of the Fixer, or the Victim and the judge, which are all part of the problem and don’t have the capacity to get you out of it.
You need to access and disassemble the structure from a different perspective and state of consciousness.
Holding space and guiding yourself into your unconscious mind is HARD. It’s a level 10 black belt. Getting to a place where you’re able to do that for yourself most likely comes from having experienced what it feels like when someone else is doing it for you repeatedly.
At the end of the day it comes down to two questions:
How much do you want the change you’re longing for?
What is your time worth to you?
If the answer to both questions is somewhere in the neighborhood of “a lot”, getting support from a coach, a friend who knows this stuff or something else is the smart choice.